I've been quiet for a while now. My silence is in part due to being busier doing/living than writing/contemplating and because I am (as the blog title says) a work in progress. I've been changing over the last couple years.
I went through a good bit to become a mother and now as a mother I am stepping up and developing myself in new ways to fill that role. I see myself as being more opinionated (at least on matters I care about.) I think that is a pretty significant development and at moments may be off putting to some who know me and hadn't maybe seen that quality in me before.
With that said I have kept quiet here because I don't think some of my thoughts would have been well received. I'm torn on that point though. I write this blog for myself, if others enjoy it that is wonderful. But I didn't begin blogging for anyone else. I started blogging for myself. I actually began blogging on myspace (which I haven't visited in months.) Probably half of my blog posts there started out as private notes or they were only visible to a very few people. I was writing about topics that were sensitive in nature to me.
I did however copy, edit (attempt to make them more PG or PG-13) and post copies of those blogs here. So if you track back far enough you can read every blog I've ever written.
I wrote at times when I was angry. Most of the anger I wrote my way through stemmed from infertility, the medical community and my own body. In some cases they were situations that I had to learn to accept - me, myself and I - messed up insides and all. What I could control I ultimately did, but there is only so much that I could do, or, would choose to do.
I realized during these times that I wrote and ranted that I am a control freak. I accept that about me. I will at times attempt to go with the flow but on matters that are highly important to me I will plan, prepare and attempt to control. Accept me as I am.
Much of that anger is in the past, I've dealt with what needed to be handled and the outcome is glorious.
I have for the most part always been a very happy person even when I was going through things that made me frustrated and angry. I have always been able to stop and realize what is good in my life. I appreciate what is right. I'm grateful for so much.
