Now that Joey is here I am a mom. A new mom, a job that comes with a full heart and a case of the nerves. I believe I was meant for this, I think I can be a great mom, but I also have moments when I'm scared and unsure and wish for answers that will only come with experience. I know without a doubt though that Jamie was meant to be a dad, and he will be a fantastic dad.
I have been trying to think of how to blog about this month so far, I have a million thoughts (most in the middle of the night when I'm spending time with my baby) but how to express them escapes me. It was easy enough to blog about the arrival of Joey, it was just sharing a sequence of events and how I felt along the way. Sharing what its been like since Joey came home from the hospital seems a bit more difficult, so this may come out as just snippets or possibly even short confessions, but I hope you'll enjoy all the same.
I think I do a good job of soothing Joey when he's upset as long as I'm not upset. For instance when he has the hiccups I put him to my shoulder and alternate patting and rubbing his back, but if that doesn't do it I run a finger inside the back of his shirt or onesie and rub the back of his neck and down to his shoulder blades. I think he likes this. If I'm upset though like the day he came home from the hospital then we both sort of need to be soothed. The day he came home he'd had his circumcision, I felt bad for him, I figured that had to hurt, I imagined how upset he had to have been. Once we were home I was trying to burp him after a feeding, he sort of bumped that area in his diaper with his knees since he had them tucked up against himself as I brought him to my shoulder. He immediately went red all over and put on his mad/angry/hurt face and let out the loudest howl I've heard from him yet. I instantly felt horrible. I don't know that I could have prevented that from happening at some point but it still hurt my heart to think he was hurting. So while he healed over the next few days I took extra precaution to not let him hurt like that again.
Sleeping at night or any time of day is a new experience. I used to be a heavy sleeper now I am a light sleeper. I wake easily when Joey starts making his cooing noises or just begins to work up to a cry. He is within arms reach on my side of the bed, he's in the bassinet of a pack n play. Being so close is peace of mind.
I've slept in my glasses every day since Joey came home. If he makes a snuffling sound or anything strange I have to be able to look and see what's going on right away. I also have a LED flashlight hidden in a corner pocket on his bassinet, along with a pacifier, burp cloth, and nose sucker bulb thing.
Joey sounds like his daddy when he's drifting off to sleep, his breathing pattern changes similarly, its a soothing sound to me.
I wish there was a gauge or some way of figuring out how hungry Joey is and how much it will take to fill him up, beyond just seeing his eyelids slam shut when he does get full.
I actually felt guilty last night that Joey fell asleep on his own. I had been holding him because he was fussing just a little, all he wanted at that moment was to be held. But, I put him down in the bassinet for a moment so I could swap the laundry around. When I came back he was sound asleep. Maybe I should be happy about this or proud in some way because even being so young he could fall asleep on his own rather than working himself into a fit from being put down for a moment, but for some reason it made me just a little sad.
I've read all the literature from the hospital like three times over, but I'm behind on my baby's first year, week by week book.
When Joey and I have "our quiet time" together I speak softly and tell him how wonderful he is, listing off his long fingers and toes, his cute little nose, his deep blue eyes (that we're waiting to see if they will change color.) I tell him of adventures we will have later on like; going to the park to swing, slide and play, going to the beach, seeing the animals at the zoo, showing him what a real monkey is since I call monkey so often, I tell him about when we will go visit family North of here and out West. I promise I will make him cookies when he's older and can eat them. I love our little quiet times, I think he likes them too.
The view from my side of the bed these days.
